


Even At The End

by orphan_account



Category: Left 4 Dead, Left 4 Dead 2
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, M/M, OH so much sadness, Sadness, Suicidal Thoughts, Yaoi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-07
Updated: 2015-01-07
Packaged: 2018-03-02 04:38:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,053
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2799878
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>As the zombie apocalypse rages on, Nick slowly starts to see the reality of it all, including the reality of his teammates. [NELLIS]</p>
            </blockquote>





	Even At The End

**Author's Note:**

> [SONGS THAT INSPIRED THIS FIC/SONGS YOU SHOULD LISTEN TO WHILE READING:  
> Ultraviolence by Lana Del Rey
> 
> You Found Me by The Fray (I really like this one. It fits well.)
> 
> Say Something by Christina Agulirera (IF YOUR LOOKING TO SOB, PUT THIS ONE ON REPEAT)
> 
> Breathe Me by Colour The Small One
> 
> Chasing Cars by Snow Patrol (Listen to this one near the end)
> 
> Its Been A While by Staind
> 
> Ill add more here as i find them]

     Its been a few months since Nick had hit rock bottom. And when it happened, it did so rarely. Nobody in his small band of survivors found out, of course. He made sure. He would lock himself away where he could, or step out for a minute when it was his turn on watch. It would start off as thinking. Then over thinking. Thinking about how the hell he wasnt dead, about how they just never shot him to get it over with. How  _he_ hadn't shot himself to get it over with. And how could anyone blame him? In this literal hell, hes surprised there was anyone left. He could easily be out there as one of those freaks. 

   And then after over thinking, the harsh memories that stung like a million shots. The memories of all the times hes fucked up, All the people he should have stayed in contact with, the countless number of people he stole from. He ruined peoples lives and conned people. Thats what he did, and all he could do now was complain about getting blood on his jacket. 

   But this night was different. 

   The four had just gotten into the safe house, after a close encounter. A smoker had grabbed Rochelle on a roof of a building they had been crossing, and as Nick tried to chop the tongue, he tripped and couldn't make it. If it wasn't for Ellis shooting it, she would have fallen fifty feet onto the ground. 

  Nick locked the door to a dusty and bloody room. There were four other rooms, enough for all of them. Its been a while since they all got their own rooms. So Nick chose the one farthest from the rest, just to be alone for a while. 

   His eyes stared emotionlessly at the ceiling as he thought. He laid on the shitty bed, and tore his dressy white jacket off and threw it to the side, leaving his undershirt the only thing on his top area. He put his arms around to the back oh his head to act as a pillow as his eyes started to flutter closed. 

   After a while, Nick found himself not being able to sleep. His mind kept wandering to the events of the day, and how Rochelle could have died if Ellis hadn't saved her. He tried to think about something else, anything else, but he couldn't. It would just switch to the same old thing. "Hey, asshole, how many people you kill so far?"

   And hes killed people. Before and during this stupid ass apocalypse. He was with a small group before he met his current band of people, and something bad happened. Something really bad. So bad, that he ended up killing most of them. There were a dozen, and at least half died at his hand. It was true, they weren't good. But it could have been handled. It could have been taken care of some other way. But at the time, it was the only thing he could think to do. 

  He clenched his teeth together, and gripped his hair. Flashes of blood came into his mind, and mistakes. So many mistakes.

  Thinking of old painful things, his family came to mind. His shitty, dysfunctional family. 

  Nick had an older brother, and a younger sister. His dad was a drunk and his mom was just trying to keep herself alive. They lived in shitty neighborhoods, and were beat a lot. Nick took beatings for his sister, but she still ended up getting the worst of them. Not even his bigger brother could save them then.

  Going further into the family lane, Nick had remembered his parents' relationship. It was horrid from the start. He was an asshole to them even before he was a drunk drug dealer. He would pretend to be nice, to act like he was the great football loving kind of person Nick needed. But he wasn't. He beat them in secret, and almost raped his younger sister. If it wasn't for his older sibling, she would have. Because  _he couldn't save her._  

   Nick always thought that it was his dad that made him an asshole. You grow up with one, you become one. But he always knew it was just a shitty excuse. He could have got good grades, got into college, became someone someone could love. 

 "Nick, yah in there?" Ellis knocked quietly on the door. Nick held his breath. He didn't want anyone to see him like this, especially not Ellis. "Busy," Nick said, his voice cracking. Unfortunately for him, it was pretty obvious that something was wrong. Ellis peeked opened the door, and looked in the room slightly. "Nick?" He asked, seeing him sitting on the bed, tears in his eyes. Nick didn't even try to hide them, he just put his hands over his face. Ellis frowned and walked into the room, closing the door, siting on the bed next to him. "Whats wrong?" Ellis asked, putting his hand on his shoulder. Nick growled. "Everything. Literally everything. Dont you see the world falling apart?" Ellis let out a little laugh. "That didn't stop us, did it?" He looked at Nick, hoping a positive response. "It did. We barely survive each day. Rochelle almost died today, and if it weren't for you, she would have. Everyday each one of us is at at least a ninety percent chance of dying." Ellis frowned. "How do you do it, El? Talk about Kieth." "What do yah mean?" "Hes obviously dead, and you can just talk about him like hes okay." Ellis looked at the ground. "Yah gotta think about the good times, man.  He's dead, yeah, but we're all going to be eventually." He shrugged. "But we're not at the moment." That managed to make Nick smile a little. "Fuck you." He said sarcastically. 

 Ellis stood up and walked to the door. Nick growled. "What are you doing?" He asked. 

 "Going on watch."

 "No you're not." Nick grinned. "Stay here." Ellis blushed and nervously held his hands at his chest. "Really, someone needs tah keep watch, and-" 

"It'll be fine, just come over here."  Nick said, laying in the bed under the thin sheets. 

   Ellis nodded and joined him. 

  And not even the zombies tried to break that moment.

**Author's Note:**

> So i wrote this when i was in a bad mood, so yeah.  
> I'm really happy on how this turned out though  
> I havent written a L4D fic in like a year man this is pretty good  
> also the ending is shitty please hate me


End file.
